Tension

"Wow, you just have the biggest knot... right... here..."

As his words dripped over me like warm honey, strong -- and surprisingly -- soft hands worked over my back until they found _the_ spot. Damn it, that felt great.

No! No. Not great -- weird. Weird and wrong. My eyes snap open and I see a blank wall -- which is so much better than being face to face with Jeremy. Until I realize this means he's behind me. I jump up and out of reach. "Yeah, I do. But it's my knot, so just leave it alone, ok?"

"Relax, Chico. I'm not gonna bite." He winks at me and I can hear the rest of that sentence 'unless you want me to'.

Maybe not -- maybe that wouldn't have been the rest of the sentence. Maybe that part was just in my head. But... why? Why would I think something like that? Man, I gotta get out of here....

I turn in place for a moment, trying to get my bearings, gather my stuff, then I realize I must look ridiculous. How does he throw me off like this? Nevermind -- don't answer that. I really don't want to know the answer right now.

I mean, I'm just sitting here, another great practice, all geared up for the game this Saturday. Then my mind starts to wander. Ok, I'll admit that I let my mind drift and replay little movies of Jeremy skating, shooting, joking with Tony or racing Keith. I can admit it because it doesn't mean anything except I love my team.

Love like you're supposed to love the guys in front of you. Love like trust them, you know? And there's nothing wrong with that. Except that anytime I catch him looking at me, it's a different kind of trust. I feel a different series of emotions, and it makes my shoulders tight.

So, I sit alone in the lockerroom and think, and maybe it's not the best thing. But just now, when I was rubbing my shoulder, trying to ease that sore spot where the straps bite into my skin after a few hours, and I felt fresh hands, his hands....

A part of me thought it was part of the fantasy. I mean 'daydream'. I mean-- I mean, I don't think I'm ready to deal with flesh and blood JR.

I mean, it's not bad enough that he's been so much fun to watch in the rink, right? But besides that, he's been saying the greatest things about me to the press. I mean, they all have. But JR's just been really... supportive.

I try to take a deep breath. If I think 'I mean' one more time, I'm going to Zeus's speech therapist.

Time for a shower. Cold. Now.

I grab my gear, throw it in a locker, and head for the showers. And I almost make my clean getaway but then there's that strong, soft hand on my forearm.

I freeze in my tracks. "Yeah?"

"Just wanted to let you know I'll be here. You know, whenever you're ready." There's something disconcerting about that sensitive tone and the tender look in his eyes.

I manage to meet his gaze and even more impressive, I manage to respond. "I know. Thanks."