"That is enough!"

With her hands on her hips, Selursera stood in her open doorway. "Out!"

"But...," Kirk protested weakly.

"No buts! That's some of the worst stuff *ever* You're lucky my ears aren't bleeding!"

Kirk descended the steps, his head hung in puppy-dog shame. He turned back to look at Sel, pleading with his smokey eyes for her to over look this slight faux pas.

Her eyes flashing dangerously, the normally light hearted lady fought to keep her tone even. "Kirk. Lee. Hammett. I love you dearly. But I cannot endure another moment of your singing!"

"It's not that bad..."

"Did you *listen* to ‘Frantic'? You sound like Cookie Monster!"

From behind her, James Hetfield stifled a laugh. He had mixed emotions about this turn of events. On one hand, Sel had a point. Kirk's singing... well... it wasn't the greatest. On the other hand, he had certain other talents with that pouty mouth that James would rather focus on. In fact, he wished they were focusing on it right now.... He wished Sel would ignore Kirk's less than competent back up on St. Anger and get back to writing ‘Blind Ambition' That wasn't happening. Instead, she was banishing him from her house until he did something about those vocals. And now she was slamming the door.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Not too far off, Starlet was enjoying a quiet moment with Lars. Earlier that day, Starlet had been nagging the hell out of Sel about a shirtless and newly decorated James in the "Invisible Kid" video online. Starlet was quickly silenced by a moment that passed between Lars and Rob Trujillo, the newest and hopefully final bassist of Metallica. Quickly expressing her suspicions to Sel, Starlet had been encouraged to wander off and explore the notion. That bring us to the present moment: Lars with his mouth overfull and Rob excluding an enticing mixture of relaxed and anxious.

"Are you sure about this?"

Lars lifted his eyes to meet the bassist's questioning look. "Sure about what?"

"Well... uhm..."

"This?" Lars dipped his head back down, earning a moan from Rob for his efforts.

"Yeah. Uh... oh, man... *that*..."

"Yeah," Lars laughed. "I'm sure."

"OK... well... oh, fuck, Lars... uhm... why's *she* here?"

"Hmm?," Starlet lifted her head dreamily. "Oh, me? I'm not here."

"But..." Rob's confusion made Lars laugh. And nearly choke.

"Ignore her. She just needs some... inspiration."

Starlet giggled and returned her head to rest on her forearm. "Quiet, elf. Back to it."

"Twist my *bleeping* arm."

Rob shrugged, not caring much at this point if they had an audience or not, and closed his eyes. Just as the group was being peacefully lolled, Starlet heard a noise she was none too fond of: Kirk crying.

"Ah, damn it.," she hissed quietly. Clamping her hand over her mouth, she realized too late she disturbed Lars' concentration. Rob was the one to suffer, as he groaned at the soft pop as Lars' mouth disconnected from his body.

"Now see what you've made me do? I lost my *bleep* *bleepin* uh *bleep* of a *bleepity*...."

Standing and shaking her head, the young brunette made no move to soothe the often irate drummer. "Robby, I'm sorry, Babe. Drag him off somewhere and distract him? I... I gotta take care of something."

"The *bleep* you do! You're always *bleeping* ignoring me for *bleepity* Kirk! You *bleep* of a *bleep*–MMPH!"

Rob put his hand over Lars' mouth. "Write her a letter. C'mon, Lars. Let's go find Iphy. I'm sure she'll give you the attention you ne–*deserve*"

Momentarily placated, Lars allowed Rob to lead him off. He threw a dirty look over his shoulder at Starlet, and she could hear him bitching about how "Tongue Tied" will never get finished if Kirk kept on distracting the author.

"Frickin' needy nosepicking despot...," Starlet grumbled to herself. Her tirade was cut off by another sob, and she shook her head. Kirk first, Lars second. If he was lucky. She wandered off and soon found Kirk with his head in his hands.

"Kirk?"

He couldn't hear her. "KIRK?" Sobbing was her only answer. Ok, either he had read that Kwirlet had forgotten him for the X-Men comparisons, or Kirk was over reacting. "KWIRK!"

Quickly kneeling in front of her beloved guitarist, Starlet looked up into his sad eyes. "Kirk, Sweetie... you have to stop sobbing for just a moment! Tell me what's wrong!"

Kirk continued to heave and haw and hack and managed to croak out only "James!"

"Again?!?! Damn it! You two *need* to move on! I mean, I love this angsty stuff as much as the next girl, but... enough is enough!"

"No," Kirk sobbed. "You don't understand. Sel kicked me out. And James is still with her!"

"Like... in a meeting?"

"No... like... like... I don't know! Like in heaven! Behind a closed door!"

Starlet's heart skipped as mascara streamed down his darkened cheeks. Focus, Girl, she reprimanded herself. "Ok... Sel kicked you out... she must have had a good reason?"

Kirk looked up and glared. Through his sobs, he tried to croak out the reason: "M... Mu..."

"Mustaine??? She paired up James with Dave?"

"EW!!! NO!!! Monster! She said I... I... sound like Cookie Monster!"

Starlet's face brightened. "Aw, Sugar, that's not so bad!"

"Maybe you don't understand. James is *in* *there*," he wailed pointing at the closed door. Then, pointing at the rock he sat on, "And I'm *out* *here*"

"Yes, but you seem to be unaware that *I* am the Pastor of Muppetts." Kirk stared at her blankly. "She said you sounded like Cookie Monster..." More blank stare. "Cookie Monster was a muppett..." Kirk's eye caught a bee and started watching it buzz around close to the ground. Starlet snapped her fingers and Kirk looked back up at her. "I'm trying to say I can help you!"

"How?"

"I... I don't know! I'll think of something. After all, being the Pastor of Muppets has to be good for something."

"Why?"

"I... it just does! Otherwise we have no plot."

"Ok. Fine. Minister of Puppies. Let's just–"

"No, Pastor of Muppetts. Jessi is the Minis–"

"Self appointed?"

"Well, actually, it was a title bestowed upon me by the Minister of Puppies herself. See, one day we were at her place watching ‘A Year and a Half in the Life of–‘–" Starlet stopped babbling when she realized Kirk's attention had been stolen by something shiny on the ground. "Hey, let's just get started, shall we?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"OK," Starlet paced in front of Kirk, thinking through every possible path to solve this little problem and get Kirk back in the good graces of the author and back in James...erm... *arms*. "Seems like you need a little initiative."

"Like, how do you mean?"

"Like... a reward. For doing something well," Starlet explained. Kirk got a wistful smile on. "Oh, good: You know what I mean? Great... what are you thinking of?"

"James has a little way he likes to reward me for a ‘job' well done. He makes me get–"

Starlet waved her hands frantically. "Ok, ok. We're getting off track." Kirk looked disappointed at being interrupted. "Don't be hurt... I'd LOVE to hear the story sometime. But right now our objective is to get you back in Sel's good graces, back in the house, and back with James, right?" He nodded, a determined look fixed on his face. "Great. Then let's think of something to rew–"

"OH!"

Starlet's head jerked up at the sound, surprised, and hoping Kirk had hatched some great idea. No such luck. Instead he had spotted a butterfly in the sky and decided to follow it off to his own reading rainbow. Slightly frustrated, Starlet slumped down onto the rock Kirk had recently occupied. Taking a look at the skipping guitarist, she dropped her head into her hands.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Startled from her baffled concentration, Starlet poked her head up at the nudging.

"Hey yo," Ara looked down at the newest sib.

"Hey... what are you doing here?"

"I ran into Lars and Rob. They told me–"

"Wait, I'm sorry. ‘They'?"

Ara laughed at the obvious joke. "Ok, right. LARS told me that he was pretty bleeping pissed cos you were off coddling Kwirk again. So what gives?"

"Well... where do I start?"

"How about with what's he doing?"

They both looked at Kirk, who had given up frolicking after the butterfly. Now he was unsuccessfully trying to climb up a tree and hang upside down.

"Swear to Cliff," Starlet mumbled, "He's gonna break his crown..."

"So what brought on the fit of ADD today?"

"Well, Sel was having a... er... ‘listening party' with Kirk and James."

"Nice!," Ara licked her lips in anticipation.

"Not so fast. Apparently, Kirk slipped from her good graces. He's totally distraught." Starlet was interrupted as Kirk giggled loudly. A squirrel was running around the tree in circles, making the beautiful man dizzy and amused. "Really, he is."

"Uh huh."

"James is still in there."

"Ooooh. So... what's he gotta fix?"

"His voice. I said I'd help him learn to sing, but I can't get him to focus for two minutes. I tried to come up with something to use as incentive, but while I was brainstorming... he... well... started chasing bugs out into the field...." Starlet dropped her head again as Ara tried to put the pieces together.

"Ok... what's wrong with his voice?"

Muffled through her hands, Starlet croaked, "Sel says he sounds like Cookie Monster." Ara starred at her for a moment, before shrieking "OH!" and running off. Looking up, Starlet thought how it was like an epidemic. After a few minutes, Ara returned, with Jason in tow. He was happily munching on some chocolate chip cookies, crumbs spilled down his chest. He waved cheerily at Starlet, and Ara presented him like Vanna White turning over a vowel.

"You... brought a dirty bassist?"

"I'm not dirty! I'm..." Jason paused and looked down at his shirt. Taking a few quick swats at himself didn't help a whole lot, and he sighed. "Ok, I'm a little messy. But I'm here, right?"

It was Starlet's turn to sigh. "Uhm, sure. Hi, Jase."

Ara shook her head. "C'mon... think about it." Ara perched down on the rock next to Starlet. "If anyone can talk sense to Kirk, it would be Jase."

"I don't need Kirk to be talked to, I need... oooohhh!!!" Starlet's face brightened as she caught on and the two girls looked up at the clueless bassist. He popped another cookie in his mouth.

"Mffnt?"

"Well, the basic of it is... Kirk needs some incentive to tune up his vocal chords."

"Ok... what's wrong with his *ahem* vocal chords?"

"Sel says he sounds like Cookie Monster."

"HEY! I'm the only Cookie Monster!"

"Yeah!," Ara jumped up. "That's what I said!"

"Ok, I'm in. Hell, I'm not doing anything at the moment. Love to help."

"By golly, this just might work!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kirk was laying on his back swatting a flower around as he saw three heads loom over him.

"Hey, Sweetie."

"Ara brought someone to help."

"Help with what?," Kirk pouted and folded his arms.

Jason looked at the girls. "We ought to get right to work." Starlet and Ara nodded and plopped down in the grass to watch Jason go to work. He started by stroking his hands over Kirk's chest, which earned him a low moan.

"That sounded good. Now put some more soul into it."

"More soul? Jase, what the hell is–OOOh." Kirk titled his head back as Jason raked his fingernails over the sensitive flesh of the guitarist's collarbone.

Dipping his head down to lick at the slightly reddened skin, Jason whispered, "Very nice. Why don't we go for a more throaty, guttural sound?"

"Like... how?," Kirk's voice was already low, trying to urge Jason on.

The girls forgot to breathe themselves for the first few moments as Jason used his tongue, teeth, fingers, and lips to coax a wide range of sounds out of the smaller man. Kirk didn't seem all that opposed to the lessons anymore. Either that, or he had just become too distracted by Jason's attention to remember the purpose of these exercises.

A crash brought them back to reality. In the distance, a steel toed boot sailed through a window. Moments later, James' unmistakable growl could be heard. "I'm not singing frickin' acapella!!!"

"Looks like we gotta hurry this along. The Mighty Het is getting restless!"

"What more do we have to do?," Jason wiped at his mouth absently.

Looking over at Kirk, and cringing, Starlet choked out, "High notes."

"Ooo!" Sure enough, Kirk was wailing again. "This is never going to end! Can't we... take a nap... or... go surfing... or... give up?"

"Oh, yeah, great plan, Kwirk. C'mon, Sweetie. You've gotten this far..."

"And you're doing great," Jason finished, stroking Kirk's cheek.

Kirk became distracted by the contact. "Ya think so?" Jason nodded. Kirk smiled. Starlet and Ara settled back down on to the lawn to let the rest of the scene play out.

"I got a great idea for your... ‘incentive' this time around," Jason breathed heavily against Kirk's ear. "Just close your eyes, relax,... and do what comes naturally."

Kirk nodded and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes. Jason slid down the length of Kirk's body until his jaw hovered just above Kirk's crotch. Feeling his zipper come undone, Kirk gasped, but kept his eyes closed. Jason looked over at the girls, and winked at Ara. Then he deep throated Kirk in one swift motion. The sound that met their ears were perfect pitch and could break a crystal champagne glass. The girls high fived.

After a few moments of playing with different keys and fluctuating the sounds, Jason finished playing with his friend's instrument and brought the entire thing to crescendo. Kirk looked down at Jason, panting and smiling. Jason climbed to his feet, and kissed Kirk softly. "Thanks, Jase."

"Any time, Bro. I gotta get back to–"

"You could hang out awhile?," Kirk asked hopefully.

Jason smiled and started to play with one of Kirk's ringlets. "I'd love to. I would. But I gotta get back to Julie's place. See, there's this guy... Michael... and well, it's complicated..."

"When is it not?," Starlet whispered.

"Yeah," Kirk nodded to Jase. "I think James menti–" He caught himself when Jason's face darkened. "Ok, look. You were here for me. You know I'll always be there for you! Maybe... maybe sometime soon?"

Jason leaned down to gently kiss Kirk, accepting the invitation. "I'd like that."

"AWW!!!" The girls couldn't hold it in any longer: sugar overload. Just then, a series of books came flying out Sel's window. Jason motioned with his head that he should get out of there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sel cracked open the door, trying her best to stay stubborn against the deep brown eyes that met her. "Hi, Kirk..."

Kirk beamed proudly. "Hey, Cutie. Let me in." Sel shook her head, but kept the door open.

Starlet smiled behind him. "Give him a chance, Sel. It's been a long afternoon, and things just weren't working for him before."

"When a guitarist says things aren't working for him," Sel countered with a sigh, "It means he hasn't done his homework."

"Don't go all Bob Rock on us. Just give it a chance. He's been doing his homework."

"All afternoon," Kirk added with a wink.

Sel still looked unconvinced, but opened the door wide enough to let Kirk in. "Fine... but if I'm not happy, I just might lose my inspiration to write any more tender breakfast scenes."

Kirk kissed her on the cheek and responded with an almost misplaced confidence, "Deal."

Sel turned towards Starlet, silently inviting her in. "Thanks, but no thanks... I have a smelly little Dane to go make nice with."

"Good luck with that!"

Sel shut the door, and perched herself down to be impressed. As Starlet walked away, she thought Kirk might never replace James as a lead singer, and he would never want to. They all have their own talents to contribute, and thank goddess for that. Moments later, an unmistakable noise sung out threw the broken window. It was the sound of James hitting a brand new high note.