Disclaimer: The story herein is fiction. Fiction is defined as being the following: A lie. A literary work whose content is produced by the imagination and is not necessarily based on fact. Please don't take these stories as truth. No harm or disrespect is intended by any of the fiction contained here.


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James stomped through the halls of the Vet. Two fucking hours until show time, and the set list was at best a shell. Where the fuck was Lars so they could get this thing nailed down? Lost in his own little world, the tall man nearly tripped over a mountain of dark laundry......That happened to be his bassist.He stopped, and looked down at Rob. Rob hadn't moved despite James nearly tumbling on top of him. So James kicked him.

"Hey, Man! I'm working here!" Rob's brow was creased, and he pounded on his GameBoy Advance with as much ferocity as he treated his bass.

"On what? A tan? A beer belly? Nuclear Physics?"

Rob glared up from beneath his massive eyebrows. Although mildly amused, he still dismissed the singer. "What the hell do you want, Man?"

"Look who's awful comfy already!" James swung his leg at Rob again playfully. "I'm looking for Lars. Seen him?"

Rob shook his head, and unpaused his game. "Just think... if you were Lars, where would you be?"

James affected a mean face to try to intimidate Rob into giving him more than a cryptic hint, but Rob wasn't even looking. The look was wasted. James ignored the fact that the glare was weakened by his ever present laugh. Instead, he shrugged and headed down the hallway.

"If I were Lars, where would I be?..." James muttered to himself. Looking up to the ceiling in thought, he let out a laugh. "Right... ok... Lars would be with Kirk. So if I were Kirk... where would I be...." Starring at the ceiling, James walked into a trash can. This shook him into reality enough to know he was talking to himself. "Man, if I said out loud half of the stuff I think of, no one would ever talk to me again. Well, Lars would despite himself."

James was distracted from his external monologue by some very obvious noises coming from the men's room. "Bingo." He paused for just a second before putting his hands on the door to push it open. "It's just a men's room," James thought. "I'm a man. I'm allowed in a fuckin' men's room! And even if it's more at the moment, it's not like it would be the first time I walked in on them...."

The middle stall had feet coming out from under the door, and Kirk's head and arms above the top. James leaned against the wall, shaking his head and suppressing a laugh.

Lar's voice drifted out, a bit muffled, from the stall. "How's that, Man?"

"I'm almost there!" Kirk groaned, and reached his hands towards heaven. "Almost, Lars..."

James just relaxed against the wall, feeling the cool tiles on his neck and bare shoulders. He watched the show continue with familiar interest. It seemed they did this in every arena.

Kirk's groan was almost constant. "Aw, yeah, Man... move a little to the left.... Almost... almost! I'm there!!!" Kirk shouted excitedly as his hands grazed the panels of the ceiling. He shifted them around, and then let out a disappointed squeak. "Damn. This one's empty too."

The stall door swung open, and Lars emerged, his face covered in white......powder. The shifting ceiling panels had rained white dust down on the Dane.

Going over to the sink to splash water on his cheeks, Lars admonished Kirk. "Man, I don't think we're ever going to find hidden treasure in the ceilings of men's rooms...."

Kirk hopped off the seat now that Lars wasn't there to hold his legs steady so he wouldn't fall. "Nah, c'mon, Dude... we gotta be persistent. I'm telling you... one of these days we'll find like a pirate's chest... and then we'll be rich and–"

James couldn't contain himself any longer. He always knew Lars was greedy, and Kirk was clueless, but this was too much. "Kirk, we already ARE rich!"

"Oh, hi, James." Kirk smiled warmly. "Didn't see ya there."

"Not surprised."

Lars was wiping at his mouth, and addressed James. "You gotta break this habit."

James cocked his head. "What?"

Lars just smirked. "Walking in on us."

"Why?" James stood up and crossed his arms. Kirk rolled his eyes and went to examine his reflection.

Smirk firmly fixed in place, Lars continued to tease the singer. "Because quite frankly, you're giving away your subconscious desire to actively search out the unknown, even though you claim you're satisfied with the current situation you find yourself wrapped in."

James blinked. "Huh?"

"Cos you're dickless."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"I mean in a superfluous way... Duh, like... you don't have a partner for the treasure hunt."

Kirk glanced over at James. "The gift of gab. Did that even make any sense?"

"C'mon, Kirk. It's Lars talking. It doesn't have to have anything to do with anything as long as he gets to hear his own voice."

"Fuck you, Dickweed. Why are we having a band meeting in the men's room?," spat Lars.

James teased, " ‘Cause I like me the mens."

"Yeah, me too." Kirk winked. "Seriously, what are you really doing here?"

"Family meeting."

"On?" Kirk came back to stand with James and Lars. Lars looked between the two guitarists, almost in a panic that he hadn't gotten a word in for the last 15 seconds.

James held up a blank steno pad. "Set list."

Kirk opened his mouth to respond, but Lars practically jumped out of his skin. "Let's get out of here then. It's not like this is Tommy's Joint. I– mmph!"

"Never shut up!" Kirk covered Lars' mouth. "Hey! Ahhh!!!" Two seconds later, Kirk yelled, whipped his hand away and wiped it on his jeans.

James was struggling not to laugh, "What the hell happened?"

"He licked me!"

"So?"

Kirk shrugged. "Good point." James turned to walk out of the bathroom, and Kirk followed him. Lars paused for a moment, as if distracted. Then he opened his mouth to defend his actions, and realized he was alone. "Hey!" Lars' shriek echoed in the bathroom as he ran down the hall towards his other three bandmates.

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